Sober
by writersword
Summary: Some things can’t be resisted…no matter how wrong it may seem. No matter if it will hurt everyone around you. Tyler/Sarah. Sarah/Caleb.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey peeps! New story for ya! I've been writing this for a while and it currently has ten unedited chapters. So, with adequate reviews, all I have to do it edit and post! ;p**

**This is my first time writing about Tyler, he wasn't even in TaT so this has been a fun new challenge. I got this idea from the fact that I thought Sarah was kind of a party girl back in Boston and then it kept growing…**

**It's different and weird but I love it and I hope you do to! Enjoy lovelies and happy reading! **

_

"_Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the hell did I jump?"_

—Hitch

-

Chapter 1

His feet tapped against the hardwood floor impatiently. He'd run back to the dorms to change after swim practice so that he'd be on time and now they were starting late. He nearly got up to leave. But he almost got up to leave every time he came, but he didn't. The thought of his friends, his _brothers_, staring at him in that worried, guilty way always kept him in his chair in the stuffy room above the Catholic Church.

He cracked his knuckles, all eyes turned to stare at him. He was the only one there under thirty-five. An old woman glared at him as she rubbed her arthritis-plagued hands. He tried to smile at her. It didn't work.

His head pounded in a now-familiar way. Reid was Using again. He wondered what the blonde's excuse was this time, if her had one. Since Chase's appearance and Caleb accusing him of Using, Reid hadn't had much patience for the oldest Son. The two had hardly any problem Using on each other despite Pogue's and his own objections.

The instructor of the class entered the room, all smiles and "There is hope for every person in this room." Yeah right. What if you haven't had a sip of alcohol in nearly a year but still wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat, you're your throat on fire from the need burning inside your heart. Every part of him wanted to run back to that night so long ago when his cousin had pushed the first beer toward him with the words that changed his life forever.

"It'll make you feel better."

_

_It's not a big deal, it's not like you're going to see someone you know. No Spenser kid would be caught dead here._

If she told herself that enough times she might actually believe that every thing would be fine. Until that happened she was stuck repeating the same words over and over again as she climbed the stairs to the room where the class was held.

She opened the door, causing every head to turn her way. She gulped. Her eyes scanned the faces of the room, her breath caught in her throat. She had known that Hummer looked familiar.

_

"Sarah," He called after her as she hurried down the stairs after the class was over. Her hands were shaking; he wanted to talk to her, what if he told someone? He called her again. He was right behind her, grabbing her arm to keep her from fleeting and forcing her to face him. She felt a lump rise in her throat, tears wanting to escape but she refused to let them roll down her cheeks.

"Tyler, please don't tell anyone." The words exploded from her mouth before she could pull them back. She met his eyes, looking for signs of his answer. What she saw on his face was not the anger she'd feared. Only confusion and the same feeling she had in her stomach expressed on his face. A ghost of a smile from him broke the tension that had filled the air. It made her want to smile too. His eyes were really blue, how had she not noticed that before?

"As long as it's a two-way deal."  
-

The door opened almost silently. Reid had learned the art of sneaking in well during their time at Spenser. The boy could have been a spy. Even in the darkness of two in the morning, the moonlight through the windows revealed the slight limp in the blonde's gait.

Tyler bit his lip as he watched Reid move skillfully across the usually squeaky floor, trying not to wake him. From how stiff each movement was and the pained expression that was evident in the bare outline of his face, Tyler could tell Caleb had really done a number on him this time. But he couldn't bring himself to be angry with the oldest Son. Part of him knew Reid deserved it.

-

Breakfast was quiet at their usual table the next morning. Sarah wouldn't look at him, she stayed focused on Caleb. He still couldn't see it, how a girl like her could really have the same problem he did.

Pogue and Kate had just gotten back together for the millionth time and Pogue was focusing all his attention on her while she acted as if she were gracing him with her presence. Reid was the only one absent. He hadn't been in the room when he woke up, or at practice. He was only beginning to worry when the lanky blonde appeared beside him, his posture stiff, looking anywhere but across the table to Caleb.

-

The waiting room was loud, all the surrounding conversations joining together in a muffled roar. He was alone. He hated being alone, it always prompted the burn to come back to his throat. But Reid he needed a smoke badly, he had forced the blonde outside to stop his constant fidgeting. Reid hated doctor's offices, and the Gloucester Emergency Room was no exception, but his knee was still swollen and needed to be x-rayed.

Right before they called his name, Reid came back through the sliding glass doors, looking slightly more relaxed, his jaw still clenched, his limp more prominent than it had been the day before.

-

"You're right. There's no bone damage, only some bruising to the muscle. Painful and slow feeling but fine."

Reid was smug the rest of the day. Full of I-told-you-so's, throwing Tyler his smirk whenever possible. Tyler hated it when Reid drove, always too fast, out of control. He never watched the road, always on his phone or smoking. On the ride home he optioned for the latter. A white cancer stick between his thin lips, pulling the air through it like it was his only source of oxygen.

Tyler wasn't sure when Reid would get it. No matter how much nicotine he put in his body, it would never suppress the Power, nothing would. Not that it stopped him from trying.

-

Tuesday, the night AA was held, rolled around again before it felt like the whole week had gone by. It was getting colder as Christmas got closer. All the trees downtown glowed with twinkling lights and cheerful music filled the streets. But the tiny, stuffy room above the sanctuary was still as plain as always.

"Okay, thank you Gerald for sharing your experience." The instructor's voice was too peppy and the room was too hot, despite it's lack of heating and the freezing temperatures outside.

She bolted from the room again and he didn't try to catch her this time but when he got outside she was still on the sidewalk, wrapped up tightly in her jacket, looking cold.

"You need a ride?" He called to that beautiful head of blonde hair. She jumped at the sound of his voice. When she turned to him her cheeks were flushed from the cold and her breath was making clouds in the air. She looked around, as if checking to see that he was talking to someone else.

"Someone's coming." She answered quickly, glancing at the passing cars anxiously.

"Well they're late and it's cold out here. You can call 'em." He waved his cell at her. "Come on, we're going to the same place, the least I can do is give you a ride." A smile stretched across his face and he wondered why he felt so comfortable around her. He was horrible with girls.

She looked at the road again, biting her lip as none of the cars turned into the church's parking lot. She turned to look at him again, a small smile on her face. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"So," He heard himself say a few minutes into the silent car ride. "How are you liking our quaint little town?"

She laughed. "It's cute, I guess. I miss Boston, all the hustle and bustle. Much more me."

"Cute? Did you just call Ipswich cute? Even after everything Caleb told you about us?" He glanced at her quickly before refocusing on the road.

"I don't know, I try not to think about it. Besides, I know that you can't judge a book by its cover, found that out last week." She sent a humor-filled smirk his way and he laughed.

"Yeah, I guess I've changed a lot in the past year." He put on his blinker, turning on to the road that led to Spenser.

"You must've." Her voice was quiet.

He smiled at her shyly, expecting a blush to creep on to his cheeks, it always did, but it never came. He wasn't nervous. He couldn't get that through his head.

The truck was silent until he found a parking spot and turned off the car. She turned to him, smiling and opened her mouth to say 'thank you' he could see the words on her lips, but she changed course.

"Oh shit." As if she had just remembered something. "I have to go." She quickly began to gather her bag and jacket, moving so fast she became clumsy.

She stopped, as she was about to get out, turning to face him again. The boy she had known for months but only just met. She smiled, not that polite, but not really genuine smile you give your grandparents, but the one you give a friend, the one you give to a person you don't mind being around.

"Thanks for the ride." Her voice was sincere, her hand on the door handle.

"No problem." He smiled and again felt the sensation of things being too simple between them.

And then, right as she was about to turn and get out and go into the dorms and go on with her seemingly perfect life, back to her overly perfect boyfriend, and most likely live happily ever after, everything changed.

Just for a moment, in the light of the dashboard, their eyes met. Blue on blue. Sapphire burning into Deep Ocean. That one look held everything both of them had ever seen, ever felt, ever dreamed and the one thing they both longed for: acceptance.

It was a moment so monumental it should be documented in history books, meaningful enough to haunt both of them through the night into the next day and the entire week.

As quickly as it had happened, it was over. She got out, ran up the steps and into the dorms and back to her life but it wouldn't ever be the same as it had. From that moment on neither of them would ever be the same person from before, only actors on the stage of life, pretending that they were happy with the way things were, that they didn't know how green the grass was on the other side or long for it like a starved animal.

-

**Reviews are love. And don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Invincible. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Another chapter for all you readers out there. Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I love knowing what you guys think. **

**Disclaimer: (Forgot this last time) I don't own the Covenant or the following quote.**

_

"_But do you ever get the fear that your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?"_

—_Clark Gable_, The Postal Service

_

Chapter 2

_The air was thick, she was hot, so hot, she couldn't breathe. Someone had thrown up, someone always throws up. it had rained that night, making it more humid than usual. Andy had vanished as usual, off with the newest version of ever girl here, who she thought was too young and innocent to be here. But who was she to tell Andy how to act, they had been broken up for months._

_She took another swig of the bottle of Jack Daniels, she hated it but everything else was gone, down her throat. No one had any money to fund the party and booze were disappearing quicker than they used to. _

_The air stunk of marijuana and sweat and beer, she wanted to go home, everyone worth her time had left hours ago, but Lizzie was grounded and she wasn't up to dealing with her parents yelling at her and her high was fading and the bottle was now empty._

_That was when he appeared, after she took the last sip before she passed out cold on Andy's couch. He stunk more than most people and his teethe were bad. He was stronger than she could ever wish to be and he didn't understand the word no._

_

"_Simms?" Aaron Abbot was an unexpected sight to wake up to. "Tyler?" The lights were bright, the room spun, he felt sick. He looked around, he was on a pool table, he was hung over. That was all he needed to know these days. It didn't matter what he had taken, who's party it had been or where he was, none of it mattered._

"_Leave him alone Abbot." Reid sounded so far away as his voice bounced around the house that he somehow knew was huge. Then Reid was there, looking at him trying to talk to him but he couldn't focus on the blonde in front of him, he was so lost._

_Pogue's voice appeared and then Caleb and he was being carried the he felt like he was flying he knew he should be scared but he couldn't do anything but let himself be taken away from the only world he knew. The one where drinks were as good as food for days at a time and nothing ever mattered except the next high._

_

The next Saturday morning Sarah woke up to the sound of her cell phone ringing. She groggily opened her eyes and answered with a loud grunt. Who was calling her so early?

She hadn't been sleeping well all week, those eyes, so blue, searching into hers. It was like he was haunting her

"Good morning to you too." She was happily surprised to find Caleb's voice on the other end. She perked up immediately, exactly the distraction she needed. The perfect way to get one of her boyfriend's _best friends _out of her head. Not that she didn't love being around Caleb, she did. Could she help it if he was also a handy distraction?

"Hey, sorry, it's just really early." She scratched her head, sitting up in bed. She was not surprised the other bed in the room empty, Kate was always up as soon as the sun was, if she had come home at all.

"I think it's pretty close to noon, I was going to see if you wanted to grab some lunch or well, I guess it'd be your breakfast." She could see him in her head, smiling in that way she loved, his eyes crinkling at the corners just enough to make her melt.

"Yeah, give me five minutes." She hung up without saying anything else and dashed from her bed to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

As much as she wished it, she had never been one of those girls that could get ready quickly. Even throwing her hair in a ponytail and pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, she was still searching under her bed for her other flip-flop when Caleb knocked on the door. He stood on the other side holding flowers and a wearing a smile that out-shone hers by a good 100 watts.

She instantly felt self-conscious. She knew she should have shaved her legs so that she could have worn that cute new skirt she had. She should have done her laundry so that she had something better than a old 'I heart NY' t-shirt. She should have blown her hair dry the night before instead of letting do as it wished. She put on a smile as he kissed her cheek and handed her the flowers. It was just breakfast, they weren't going to a five star restaurant, she shouldn't care how she looked. But she did, she always did.

He found her shoe and helped her put on her jacket. He faced her and cupped his hand around her face, his thumb sliding across her cheek.

"Gorgeous." He smiled. Just like she pictured. The kiss was short but soft and was enough to make her go weak at the knees. She really did love him.

He was so perfect it shocked her every time she saw him, but for the first time she found herself wishing for one imperfection, one quirk. Her mind wondered to him stopping her on the stairs, his hand on her arm, his face so vulnerable, so scared, worried she would leak his secret. Caleb never let anyone know how he felt. She shut the thoughts down quickly, though she knew the image of his blue eyes boring into her own would return, it always did.

_

"Ty, wake up." Tyler could feel the coldness of Reid's hand on his shoulder through the material of his shirt. Sarah's face faded from its permanent spot at the front of his mind momentarily as he tried to figure out in his dorm room. The younger boy opened his eyes, trying to focus on his best friend.

"What?" Tyler hated being woken up, especially when it was still dark outside.

"I need help with the math homework." He lied nervously; his eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. His hands twitched as did sometimes when he needed to Use. He was starting to get more and more scared of the hold the Power had on him as his ascension became closer. Only three months now.

The brunette checked the clock on the nightstand. "At four in the morning? Couldn't it wait a few hours?" Reid's gaze begged him, he hated having to stay up alone when he couldn't sleep, when the call was stronger than it usually was. He caved.

It was almost five by the time Tyler finished Reid's homework since the blonde had gotten frustrated and went outside to smoke and get coffee forty-five minutes before. He knew what that really meant, what it usually meant. He was done holding the Power back.

He thought about going back to bed but every time he closed his eyes her smile appeared behind his eyelids. It was too dangerous to think about, he might start liking her more than he should, if he didn't already.

_

Sarah thought about skipping out of class Tuesday night but that idea was thrown out the window when the knock at her door revealed the brunette that had stared in her dreams all week. She didn't argue, she grabbed her coat and followed him to the Hummer.

"So how'd you know Kate wouldn't be there?" She asked, her breath making clouds in the cold air as she hurried to keep up with his long strides.

He shrugged. "Lucky guess." He smirked in a way that reminded her of Reid, it didn't fit on Tyler's face.

"You mean you called Pogue and Kate was with him?" The smirk disappeared and was replaced with his cheeks turning a few shades darker. She smiled.

_

They were still in the church parking lot an hour after the session, just talking, words filling the truck. The talked so much the windows fogged which only made everything funnier.

"You know if anyone walks by they're going to think we're doing it." She laughed as she tucked her legs underneath her.

He smiled and began to jump, making the car shake. "No, no! Stop!" She exclaimed. "We're at a church, Tyler." Part of her wanted to be a little annoyed at him but she couldn't stop smiling, thinking he was the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

_

"I love you."

I wasn't the first time he'd ever said it, but every time the famous three little words left his mouth he acted as if it were the first time, as if it was the most important thing someone could tell a person. She loved that, but it made her feel guilty and she could barley say it back.

"Do you wanna come upstairs for a little while?" Her tone was calm, like she was talking about the weather, not their nonexistent sex life.

The smile fell from his eyes. "Sarah…" He didn't want to hurt her and that meant a lot, but it just wasn't _normal_.

"I know, I know, I was just…. asking." She felt like a little kid being told they could have ice cream, the biggest let down in the world.

"Hey, don't be upset." He reached over and cupped her face again. "I love you. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I can't have anything happen to you. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad." She assured him, and she wasn't, only disappointed and confused and guilty. So guilty because even after all those words and all the feelings, and dating for months, she was still closer to sleeping with Tyler Simms than she'd ever been with Caleb.

_

**That all for now folks.**

**Review please, it will make my day!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy Turkey Day! And Chapter three as your falling asleep from that funny chemical in turkey that makes you sleepy. **

**Thank you to ****Lovelinelivelong639****, my lone reviewer. This chap is for you! Enjoy all!!**

**Disclaimer: Me no own. You no sue.**

**-**

**-**

"_There's nothing you can know that isn't known._

_Nothing you can see that isn't shown._

_Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be."_

—_All You Need Is Love,_ The Beatles

Chapter 3

"What happened to you?" Her voice was light. It was Tuesday again, she was in his Hummer again. It was becoming a routine and routines were dangerous.

He didn't take his eyes off the road as he raised one eyebrow, his face breaking into a grin. She liked how careful a driver he was, it made her feel safe. Caleb was always cautious, but he liked the accelerator a little too much for her taste.

"I mean, you just don't seem like the party, get drunk, teen alcoholic type." She clarified, blushing slightly.

"I used to be like that, just not anymore. I messed myself up pretty bad. My parents put me in rehab… It's a long, complicated story that I don't remember most of." His smile appeared and she had to stop herself from comparing it to Caleb's.

She tried to smile back and not let her nervousness show through. This was so wrong, she needed to stop. But she couldn't.

She turned to look at the tiny shops of Main Street as they passed. Everything was closed except the used bookstore owned by Mr. Carty, a eighty-something guy that stayed open until eleven every night. The poor old man still believed his wife was going to come back even though everyone knew she'd died years ago.

The thing about Ipswich was that everyone thought they knew everything about everybody, like Mr. Carty, she had learned his story within her first week in the small town, but then there were people like her, no one knew her secrets, or The Sons of Ipswich, everyone knew the legends, but few believed them. Maybe Ipswich left more unknown than everyone thought.

"What about you?" His voice brought her back. "You got some big dramatic story?" He smiled at her. She clenched her teeth, the world shouldn't stop spinning for his smiles. But it did anyway.

"Yeah, I've got one of those."

_

When Pogue opened the door to his apartment, the last thing he expected to see on his doorstep was Caleb's little girlfriend, all wrapped up in her winter coat.

"Hey Pogue, is Kate here?" Her voice was light and chirpy. Despite her happy disposition she was really worried. She hadn't seen Kate in nearly a week. She figured she must be staying with Pogue.

He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. He'd been asleep, the pills he'd found at the drugstore weren't working quite well enough yet, he was still dreaming of her and every time he closed his eyes, there would be her smile. Always too eager to turn angry and yell at him and stomp out his door and leave him for what was really the last time. He felt pain in his chest and wondered if heartbreak could have physical symptoms.

"I don't know where she is." He leaned heavily against the doorframe, he wished she would just go away. He didn't have the ability to deal with people, not yet.

"Are you okay? You haven't been at school much, Caleb's pretty worried." She shuffled her feet.

"Yeah, I know. Look, tell Caleb I'll be back tomorrow." By the sound of his voice Sarah could tell he didn't mean it, but before she could say anything the door was slammed in her face.

_

In first period she was called to the office where she received the notice that she would be getting a new roommate, Kate had withdrawn from Spenser. At lunch Sarah returned to the dorm to find Kate, all of her belongings packed in the boxes that surrounded her.

"You're leaving." It wasn't a question.

The dark-haired girl nodded and Sarah grasped that her best friend was crying. "What happened? Are you okay?" They sat down on the edge of her bed.

"You knew." This too, was not a question.

At first Sarah didn't know what she was talking about, then it dawned on her. The one thing she knew that Kate didn't.

"You knew and you didn't think I'd like to know that my boyfriend was some kind of demon?" Kate was sobbing now, her shoulders shaking as she drew in shuddering breaths.

"They're not demons, they're warlocks." Sarah said, as if this helped things at all, which it didn't.

"He lied to me, Sarah. I asked him about all that witch stuff and he lied time after time. He let me get nearly _killed_ by some evil guy because of a spell. And then he has the nerve to tell me like its some kind of prize I've won. 'Guess what?'" She mocked him, yelling now. "'I have magical powers, I can make all your wildest dreams come true.' Bullshit." She collapsed into tears again.

_

Pogue reappeared in school two weeks later. He could barley function without her, he hadn't realized that she had been his life force but she had. And now she was gone and he still loved her, he still missed her.

"Hey," Caleb was at his shoulder, pulling him to a stop. "You okay." It was a simple question but Pogue could bring himself to come up with a reasonable answer, he wished he could find something that would just make him numb, he was tired of the pain.

Caleb looked sympathetic. "Come on man." His best friend began to pull him back toward the courtyard, away from the classroom.

"You've got class." Pogue was able to force the words from behind his lips. Caleb didn't skip, ever.

"It doesn't matter."

That was Caleb for you, going out of his way to help someone else, ever when I meant something not so great for him. Like detention for skipping or going after Chase to save everyone else.

-

Caleb came to her dorm. He never comes there, but that night he did. He sat down on her bed and she sat down next to him. He told her she was beautiful, that he loved her and then he just held her for a long-time, running one hand through her hair.

She held him too, hands on his big shoulders not knowing what was going on but not caring since he finally trusted her enough to let his guard down. Even if she had known, there was nothing she could say or knew to say. Her mind was on his hand placement: one in her hair, one between her shoulder blades. Couldn't he at least try to grab her ass like normal guy?

She should be happy with her perfect boyfriend, she knew that, but she also knew that this wasn't normal. She had dated other guys, normal ones, non-warlock ones, they grabbed her ass, they forgot their anniversary. They made mistakes, they made her mad, and most importantly, they weren't perfect.

She couldn't take it anymore, she pulled away from him, pushing his head off of her shoulder and looked at the eyes that she had fallen for. His gaze was questioning.

"Stay." It was one word, but it said everything, he knew instantly what she meant. He still insisted they wait. She didn't want to wait anymore. She was tired of the relationship feeling empty.

"I really shouldn't." He pulled even farther away from her but she wanted to hold him close again, to drive the image of one of his best friends out of her brain.

"Come on," She wiggled her shoulders suggestively. "Don't you wanna have a little fun?"

"It's a school night Sarah." He stood, grabbed his jacket and kissed her cheek; she wished it had been the lips.

_

"Reid." He called into the dark dorm; searching for the source of the distress call the blonde had sent him while he was the library. He hoped it wasn't some thing stupid like needing the keys to the truck or wanting some money before going to Nicky's. He had fallen for that enough times.

"Reid," His voice was quieter as he rounded the corner in to the equally as dark bathroom. He flipped on the light and was instantly glad he'd answered the call. He was on the floor, skinny arms wrapped around skinny legs. Skin drenched in sweat and he shook, shivering from fever.

This was not the first time Tyler had found his best friend like this. Sometimes the Power got out of hand and he would fight it until it tore down his defenses. Producing an almost withdrawal-like reaction.

Tyler was able to get Reid in bed before the blonde spoke, the words slow, strained.

"Caleb's right." He kept his eyes in concentration, keeping the raging Power back while it threatened to take control of his body.

"No, he's not. You're not addicted." His voice was somehow steady though his thoughts were anything but. He looked down at his best friend and wished he could help him. _He did this to himself. He knew what would happen if he Used and he did it anyway. Don't pity him. _

Tyler knew his words that he spoke to reassure the shuddering form were a lie, they both did. It had been a lie for a long time.

_

Pogue showed up in they're room a few days later, it was the middle of the night. With pouring rain and horrible lightning it was a full Ipswich storm, something no one wanted to be out in, especially on a motorcycle.

The longhaired Son pulled Tyler into the hallway, he was shivering under his leather jacket.

"What are you doing here?" Tyler whispered, closing the door behind him.

Pogue seemed nervous. "When you partied, there were a lot of pills, right?"

"Yeah all kinds of pills. Couldn't this have waited until morning?"

"No, I need them now." He seemed desperate.

"Pogue, you know I don't have anything. I got rid of it all." He kept his voice soft, trying to calm the older boy.

"I—I just need to go to sleep. I need to sleep for a really long time." Tyler wasn't sure what was going on with Pogue, but it was scaring him. "Just tell me where I can get them."

"Pogue" He shook his head making his brown hair, flattened by sleep, fall into his eyes. "I can't tell you."

It happened in a flash. One second they were just standing in the hall and the next Tyler was pinned to the wall by Pogue's hand tightly wrapped around his throat.

"Tell me." He growled, his eyes black.

"Okay," He held up his hands in innocence. "I know a guy."

_

"If I tell you something, will you promise you won't get mad?" He didn't look at her as he spoke. He did that when he felt uncomfortable, she realized.

"Okay?" She stared at the side of his face, confused.

He slammed on the brakes suddenly, causing her to launch forward, only to be caught by her seat belt.

Not only did he look at her then, but turned himself as well. His voice was quiet as he spoke, as if he was ashamed of the words.

"There is slight chance that I may be falling in love you." Silence filled the air. Both of them froze, trying to sort out the emotions that were running thick through the large vehicle. Tyler spoke again, uncomfortable with the fact that she hadn't said anything, hadn't moved a muscle. "I'm really sorry. I just…"

"Can't help it?" She finished, he voice shaking. She cleared her throat, not daring to raise her voice above a whisper. "I.. am scared that the same thing might be happening to me." He let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "But…"

"It's wrong." He glared at his hands, wringing them. "I know. Believe me I know, I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. But, no matter where I am I can't stop thinking about you, Sarah. I've never felt this way about someone. With you, I'm a completely different person and I like who I am with you so much more than I like myself without you."

She clenched her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut. Why did he have to be so sweet? She took a deep breath and prepared herself for what she had to do.

"We have to ignore it." She said flatly.

"I don't think I can handle being just friends with you." His gaze was soft when he met her eyes. All he wanted was to touch her.

"Me either." It was the truth but that didn't make it okay.

He reached over slowly and took her hand. She didn't pull away. He leaned in toward her, his lips aiming for her own. She had to force herself to press a hand to his chest and hold him back.

"I love Caleb, Tyler. I-I can't hurt him." He was so close she could feel his breath of her cheek. She wanted nothing more than to kiss him, but it would ruin everything, she couldn't do it.

"But you can hurt me?" He looked at her with the eyes of a man whose heart was in the process of breaking. A lump filled the back of her throat. It shouldn't be this hard.

"I'm sorry, Goodbye Tyler." Then she opened the car door and climbed out right into the street where he had stopped. The walk to Spenser was still almost half a mile and the night air was nearly freezing but this was what she had to do. A clean break, no looking back, no wanting to climb into that life again.

She had come to Ipswich to stay _out_ of trouble, not find more. It was time to back to her life, back to wishing that she was as perfect as people thought and trying to feel adequate next to the most sought after boy in Ipswich. It was time to stop all these games.

The cold air cleared her head and she was able to know this was the _right_ choice, the moral one.

He pulled the monster up next to her, slowing down to the pace of her walking. The window rolled down. She wouldn't look at him, she just kept walking. _A clean break._ She reminded herself.

He finally rolled the window up and gunned it down the road. It was only then that she let the tears roll down her cheeks, half freezing by the time they reached her chin

-

**Give thanks! Leave a review! .**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Another chap, another chance to review! Please?**

**PLEASE READ!!!!: I need help on my other story, Invincible. I have lost how to write it. If you have any ideas, and I mean any, I beg of you, let me know!!! **

**Disclaimer: Me no own. So sad.**

_

"_And I don't know. This could break my heart or save me._

_Nothing's real until you let go completely."_

—_Sober_, Kelly Clarkson  
_

Chapter 4

" _The name's Drew." His voice was slurred and held an arrogant air. His hand was in her face, wanting to be shaken._

_She turned the bottle over hoping for one last drop. "I'm drunk."_

"_They tell me you're always drunk." He smiled creepily, revealing his awful teeth._

"_Go to hell." She was not in the mood for this. She just wanted to fall asleep._

"_Only if you're the devil." He ran a finger along the side of her face. His fingernails were dirty. She pushed the hand away._

"_Stop."_

"_I don't think so, baby. You're too good to leave." He grabbed her arms roughly, forcing her to lie down. She was too weak to make him go away._

"_No! Stop. No, no." She was screaming but no one seemed to care. She fought him hard, clawing at his face and arms as his hand groped her. His lips felt disgusting on her lips, her skin. She felt like she was going to puke._

_She was pinned under him in a way where she could move. She needed him to go away. She needed to get away. She needed this to be over. All she could hear was her our screams ringing in her ears and the drum beats of the song that still blasted through the apartment. _

_No one came to her rescue. In that world there was no such thing as a prince in shinning armor. There was no savior; there was only sex, lies, and the next high. When he left, all she wanted to do was run as far from him and everyone else at the party. She wanted to take a shower and cry her eyes out. She wanted for Andy to be the guy he'd been back when she was a freshman and he was a senior and he would take care of her and wrap his arms around her and kiss her forehead. Back when their love had been a two way street and she didn't have to worry about him running off to some other girl._

_She wanted to be anywhere but where she was but she couldn't move and it didn't take long for exestuation to take over. The next thing she knew it was morning and Andy was kicking everyone out and he made her leave too because she was just like anyone else to him now, unless he was alone. She was just a back up plan._

_She took a cab home, scared to walk, even in broad daylight. For the first time her hometown seemed big and freighting with too many alleys with dark corners that anything could hide it. She dug through her dresser drawers; so glad she had kept it. Acceptance to Spenser Academy, a full scholarship, she had applied just in case, she had known her life was one she couldn't live forever. It was time to press the reset button. She was done with that life._

"_I need a fresh start." She told her mother while she was packing. She saw her eyes linger on the bruises that covered her arms and face but she didn't ask. She never asked._

-

"_The facility is in Boston, a really beautiful part. It's a brand new building, very clean, very nice. I've been assured that it's the best in the state."_

_His mother was rambling again. The only really talking she had done since he came home. She was parking him a suitcase while he sat on his bed watching. He wanted a drink._

_He didn't speak. He hadn't said much of anything since he woke up in what he now knew was Aaron Abbot's parents' mansion. Aaron said the party had been pretty good. He didn't remember it. He didn't remember a lot of things lately._

_Caleb had dropped by earlier, giving him more homework that he wasn't going to do. Pogue had called him but he hadn't answered. Keeping up appearances seemed like too much effort at the moment._

_Reid appeared in the doorway, the way he was doing a lot, randomly showing up no mater if he was supposed to be in school or not._

_This shut his mother up for a few moments. She greeted her son's friend politely and excused herself from the room, handing Reid the brochure for the rehab facility, the one where Tyler would go for the next forty-five days. Over a month. _

_The blonde eyed the suitcase. This made it real. Tyler was really going to have to leave. His throat tightened. He thought about tearing the shiny brochure in half but thought better of it since he wanted to stay on Mrs. Simms good side._

_He started talking, carrying on a conversation that only required one side. He didn't care if Tyler listened. _

"_I'm thirsty, I'm gonna go grab a soda. You want one?" Tyler shook his head at his best friend, wishing he'd just leave. He wasn't that kind of thirsty._

_He looked up at Reid who was hovering at the door. There was something he wanted to say, Tyler could tell. He could see the worry etched into his face, something he had never seen on Reid Garwin's face before. It was almost disturbing._

_He took a deep breath and watched the blonde leave the room without another word. He knew he should feel guilty about what he was doing to Reid, his mom, Caleb, Pogue, everyone, but he didn't. He wanted a drink. He wanted a drink really, really bad and not much else mattered._

_

Weeks passed, one after another slipping through the cracks, unnoticed. Nothing changed, nothing happened, life was at peace. Spenser Academy had never been so boring. Everyone knew it couldn't last. Sarah had stopped going to AA on Tuesday nights, it was too dangerous, but Tyler was persistent. Every week he would knock on her door causing her new roommate, Kathleen, to look up from her homework and at the door in curiosity.

"It's just a prank." She would tell the new girl. She was a scholarship student too, and worked hard to maintain it. In the time she'd been there Sarah didn't think she'd seen the girl without some kind of notes or textbook in her hands. She was barley ever in the dorm, usually at the library or at her job at the café nearby. She kept herself busy.

That's what Sarah needed; something to focus on, something that would actually hold her attention for more than a few hours. Her plan to keep herself distracted so that she couldn't think about Tyler was not working because everything made her think of him, his breath hot against her face, his hand wrapped around her own, the want to lace her fingers in between his, the feeling of his chest underneath her hand as she tried to put space between them when all she wanted to do was hold him close.

She shook her head, this still wasn't working, failing was more like it. She picked up her phone and called the boy that she _should_ be thinking about. He answered on the second ring and told her that he was in the library, he would see her tomorrow, he loved her. She tried to force herself to become breathless at the way he whispered into the phone but it didn't work. The conversation hadn't helped at all. Grabbing her jacket she told Kathleen she'd be back later, she had to make one last effort.

_

"Pogue, open up!" Tyler's hand pounded against the door. "Come on, it's cold. Let me in, I know you're here." He shivered and almost left, convinced Pogue wasn't home. The door flew open and revealed usually leather clad and kinda scary when mad, now just depressing to look at.

"What do you want?" Pogue stuck his hands in the pocket of the sweatshirt he was wearing; it looked so wrong on him.

"I want you to stop taking whatever it is that guy gave you. I want you to quit this, I know you loved her but you can't just—"

"Love." Pogue interrupted, hid voice low.

"What?"

"You said 'loved'. I still love her, Ty. I can't just stop because she left. If I was over her…" He ran a hand through his hair.

"So you move on, you don't drown your sorrows in pills. It isn't a hangover, you can't just sleep it off." His voice had gotten and angry edge he hadn't been expecting.

"You think its that easy? You think I can just forget about the girl that I thought I was going to marry? The girl I love more than life itself told me she was afraid of me and _ran away._ She hates me, Tyler. I love her and she hates me. That's not something I can just get over." Tyler was scared that Pogue was going to cry. He knew that would truly mean the world had ended.

"Okay, I get it." He took a deep breath. "But, I'm telling you now that the sooner you get rid of those pills the better. Take it from someone who knows. The longer you wait…If you wait too long you fall too far in and you can't live with out them. Don't let something _this big_ control you're life." He held up a hand, showing the size of the pills.

"You think you know everything, huh? You think you can boss everyone around just because you're a damn alcoholic?" Tyler flinched and Pogue knew he'd hit a nerve.

"I'm gonna do what ever the hell I want and you're gonna stay out, got it?" He yelled as he step back into the apartment and closed the door in the brunette's face.

Tyler stepped forward, trying to stop the door. He leaned his forehead against the thick wood, tired of inner battles with himself. He missed Sarah. With sudden anger he raised his arms and slammed his fists into the space near his head. Why wouldn't Pogue just listen to him? Why did he have to make this so hard? He was just trying to help.

The thought seemed familiar in his head and he half-remembered Caleb saying the same thing to him while they sat at the bar in Nicky's, Tyler already drunk and Caleb with that look on his face that he hated but knew so well. He had blown Caleb off, the same way Pogue had just done him but hours later while he puked up everything he'd eaten in the past two day, those words were the only ones he could hear through the pounding in his head.

_

The Spenser library was named for the Parry family, an ancestor of Pogue's had given the money for a new library after the last building burnt in a "freak fire" in the early 1900s. Sarah found this ironic since the longhaired biker had probably spent the least amount of time here of all the Sons.

It was late so she found Caleb quickly at his usual table. She snuck up behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hey baby." She said almost huskily. God, she felt like such a slut.

"Sarah…" His voice was quiet, almost scolding, but she could hear a hint of suppressed desire laced through his words, she dove on it.

"You know you want me." She whispered as she kissed his neck.

"Sarah…" He said it again but it was different, he was losing the fight against her.

"One night, just let loose for one night." She felt his shoulder muscles relax a bit and took it as her chance to pull him from his seat to the far back part of the library.

Between the shelves of the rarely used fiction section, she kissed him hard and intensely, not giving him a chance to change his mind. He kissed back with as much passion. She could feel his want for her as his hands roamed her back, trying to get her as close to him as possible. She wanted him. She wanted him so bad she couldn't think.

He suddenly jumped away from, as if he'd been electrocuted. He was breathing hard as was she, her bottom lip quivered, _so close._

"I can't do this, I'm sorry Sarah."

"Come on… you deserve a little fun." She smiled even though she knew she'd lost him. _Stupid guy actually loves me too much._

"Please, Sarah, don't make this harder than it is." He brushed some hair out of her face, tucking behind her ear. It was something he did sometimes when she never he wanted to touch her and that was all he could get himself to do. It was almost as if he didn't trust himself with her. She expected to feel her skin burn where he'd touched her, the way she usually did, but it never came.

A lump came to her throat. _No. _She thought, closing her eyes._ I do love him. I know I do._ She opened her eyes and used her best begging tactics.

"But I love you and you love me, don't you?" This was the last thing she had up her sleeve, if a guilt trip didn't work, she was out of ideas.

"Of course I love you and that's why I can't do this, Sarah." He sounded like he was talking to a young child but his eyes held all his meaning. "I can't have anything happen to you, I need you too much." He wrapped his big arms around her and held her to his warm chest. He kissed her forehead. "Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive." And she meant it, he was doing nothing wrong. But she wondered if he would ever be able to forgive her for what she was going to do next.

-

"Alright, that's it. Pay up Abbot." Tyler was glad to see Reid acting like himself again, smirking across the pool table to where Aaron stood scowling. Reid had cleared the table yet again, making it the third time of the night.

"I'll get you next time, Garwin." Aaron said, sounding like a the Wicked Witch of the West as he threw the bills on the table. _And your little dog too._ Tyler thought as he watched Reid count the money. The two boys found a empty table near the bar and took it captive.

"I think we should get a drink." Reid announced upon his arrival. "You up for a round of shots Baby Boy?" He hit the younger boy on the back.

"You know I can't drink." Tyler took a sip from his water and glared at the table, wishing Reid would shut up. This was the Reid he hated. The stupid arrogant one who felt nothing and had no heart. The one who didn't think enough of the fact that he'd been up half the night helping the blonde keep control of his own body to even thank him or at least lay off the tough subjects, like drinking.

"Come on, just have one for old times sake." He took a deep breath and looked up at his best friend. He wanted to punch him in the face. He swore at Reid's smirk and went and bought two beers and watched Reid drink both.

-

Tyler returned from Nicky's late, Reid had gotten drunk to a point that sneaking past Spenser's security became impossible. So he had dropped the blonde off at his parent's house, which stood empty six months out of the year, luckily these six months.

As soon as he opened the door to his dorm he knew the rules had, yet again, changed. She was in his room. Sitting on his bed. The moonlight flooded through the windows at just the right angle, glinting off her hair in just the right way. She was so gorgeous.

He approached her slowly, his heart going at double speed. He watched her swallow and look up at him through the darkness of the barley lit room. Tears rimmed her eyes, making them sparkle.

He sat down next to her, hearing her breathing hitch as a tear spilled over on to her cheek. His hand shook as he cupped her face and wiped the droplet of salty liquid away with his thumb. She opened her mouth, word ready to spill out.

"Shhh." He whispered softly, wrapping his arms around her, feeling her forehead rest against his shoulder, tears hitting his shirt. She stayed like this her body shaking and he rocked them back forth. "I missed you." He heard himself whisper.

When they separated she reach up and wiped a tear from his cheek. He hadn't known he was crying. He grabbed her hand in his, carefully wrapping his fingers around the back of her hand.

Their eyes met as they had that night in his truck, almost a month ago now. She smelled like soap and he could bet on the fact that Nicky's smell of grease and beer had clung to him but she didn't seem to mind.

He leaned in slowly, mentally waiting for her to run away as she had before. Their lips touched and the world exploded into the happiest moment either of them had ever experienced.

_

**Reviews are happiness. Make me happy!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys, thanks for the reviews! New homepage for all my OCs and other pictures I have. Check it out!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these crazy boys.**

-

"_And I feel a weakness coming on_

_Never felt so good to be so wrong"_

—_Hero/Heroine_, Boys Like Girls

-

Chapter 5

"The Constitution was written for what purpose, Mr. Abbot?"

Sarah couldn't pay attention, or even consider having a thought that did not revolve around that head of dark brown hair that sat four rows down and five to the right. It had been three days, three very long days and she was going crazy, her mind was only put at ease by the day of the week: Tuesday.

At seven o'clock sharp, he was there, knocking on her door, a smile illuminating his face. After the meeting, in the Hummer, he kissed her for a long time. It was passionate and she didn't want it to end. He ran his hands through her hair, she smiled, she loved the feeling of his hands touching her. When they got back to the dorms and it was time to get out and go back to the real world where this wasn't true or right, he kissed her lips again, not her cheek. He held her close and let his warm breath skim her cheeks. She smiled and her eyes drifted to his, their foreheads pressed against each other.

"Sarah…" He said her name so softly, her heart fluttered. This was how she should feel with Caleb. She used to feel this way about him. What had happened to that?

"Shhh. Don't say anything." She pressed a finger to his lips, a smile on her face. "We must be very quiet."

"Are we hunting wabbits?" He asked in the worst impression of Elmer Fudd she'd ever heard. It made her laugh, cupping her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound.

He put his hand on her neck and brought her lips to his. Every kiss with him was magical and held a spark of danger, it only made her crave more.

He dropped his head against her shoulder. "God."

That one word said it all. Everything she thought, felt, needed. She nodded to show she know what he meant. Why did this have t be so hard?

He kissed her once more, shortly, swiftly. Like taking a shot. Just one more tumbler of her before he flashed her a smile. Then he very quietly whispered, "Good night."

And then he climbed from the truck and crossed the parking lot to the dorms. She counted to one hundred before she even considered moving. Cheating was almost more complicated than it was worth, but with Tyler Simms, she was willing to deal with it.

_

"Where's Reid?" Caleb asked Tyler as soon as he sat down at lunch. How was he supposed to know where the blonde was at all times? He looked up at Caleb and his words caught in his throat. Guilt spread through him with painful force because all he could see was Sarah on his bed, Sarah in his truck, Sarah with her hands touching him, Sarah's mouth pressed against his and how it made him feel… oh God, how it made him feel.

"I-I don't know. He got called out of class first period to see the Provost, but I haven't seen him since." Tyler stared hard at his food while he spoke. His heart pounded against his ribs. He expected any moment Caleb would leap from his seat and accuse him of kissing Sarah. Liking Sarah, thinking things about Sarah he shouldn't. Maybe even falling in love with her.

Of course it never happened. Caleb didn't know what was going on and he hoped he could keep it that way. He'd seen what Caleb could do to Reid and he was sure the older Son could kill him if he wanted to. He'd killed Chase. Somehow this fear of his brother didn't scare him from Sarah. He didn't think anything could keep him from her. He was glad she had sat with some of her girlfriends today, he wasn't sure he could see them together, wasn't sure he could be that close to her and not touch her arm or her hair or reach to kiss those perfect lips. He shut his eyes tightly and forced the thought out of his head.

He glanced over at Pogue who looked like crap even though it had been a month and he'd promised to get off the pills. Tyler could tell that he was still taking them, high wasn't a look that looked good on anyone, especially if your trying to do Pre-Calculus and keep almost falling asleep. He stared at Pogue's canister of coffee and found himself wondering if it'd been spiked. The burn in the back of his throat returned. He just wanted to drink until all the stress of the world was gone and he couldn't think straight. He wanted to be the life of the party again. He wanted to feel alive just one more time.

_

His phone buzzed in his pocket, she could feel it from where she sat on his lap. She wanted him to ignore it, she wanted this moment to never end. The buzzing stopped but started again only moments later. Tyler detached his mouth from hers long enough to move his lips to her ear.

"I should probably get that it could be Caleb…" His words suggested he wanted to answer, but his actions declared otherwise. His lips were on hers again and her back was pressed against the door handle to a point that it hurt, but she didn't care. She wasn't exactly sure how they had ended up like this, but they were both kind of in the passenger seat and she was kind of in his lap and all of it could have been really awkward but none of it was. He moved his hands from her hair, to her hips.

The burn in his throat from earlier was gone, it had vanished as Sarah opened the door to the Hummer several minutes ago. He had sent her a text to meet him there, hoping she could drive the worry from his mind. And boy, had it ever worked.

His phone began to buzz again. Third call. "Two seconds." Tyler told her reluctantly. She leaned away from him so he could move to get his phone. He glanced at the caller I.D. and threw the phone in the backseat. Where it continued to vibrate almost constantly. They started kissing again, smiling against each other's lips. A few moments later she could still hear the phone as it shook too close to a book, causing more noise.

"Maybe you should get that. Something must be going on." She had to speak between the quickly speeding kisses. Tyler seemed to have all but forgotten about the abandoned phone in the backseat. He shook his head and changed their position slightly so that his back was at the door instead of hers.

"Its just Reid."

He pulled her closer and heard her giggle softly, wishing this wasn't as wrong as it was and that she didn't have a boyfriend whom was more of a brother than a friend to him.

_

"Sarah." She turned to see her boyfriend, her real, public boyfriend walking toward her. She smiled nervously as Caleb sat down next to her in the library, where she had headed directly after leaving Tyler and the large black truck for some much needed studying while he went to swim practice. She realized it was later than she thought, and she was still staring at the same page she had been almost two hours ago. "I want to take you to dinner."

"Dinner?" Could she be around him that long and not blurt out all of her sins to him?

"Yeah, to make up for the other night. I figured we could get some wine and have a picnic out by the old colony house. I know how much you like it out there and I think you'll really like it at dusk, it's beautiful." She could tell he'd put a lot of thought into this and it made her feel sick with guilt. She didn't deserve what he was offering so she wouldn't let herself have it.

"Why don't we just go downtown? There's this cute little diner that I've been wanting to try." Caleb looked at her strangely, questioning her choice, but agreed all the same. His usual smile spreading across his handsome face, making his eyes crinkle in the corners as those white teeth made an appearance.

That night she spent over an hour getting ready and still frowned at the mirror. She fussed with her curled hair and wondered if she should straighten it. Of course she didn't have time now. She still worried that she didn't look like she belonged with him. She turned around, examining the dress she'd picked out. _You never mind how you look with Tyler._

She shook the thought from her head and went to find her shoes. Caleb spent the evening being perfect, opening doors, pulling out chairs. She felt guilty, all night. Every time he smiled she felt sick. Caleb was such a good guy, how could she really be doing this to him?

-

Reid didn't bother to be quiet as he slung the door open and closed it with a bang. Tyler could tell he was pissed. Anyone within a half-mile radius could have seen it. When he took off his jacket, Tyler could see his hands shaking. He watched his best friend slowly change from boiling mad to a low simmer as took off his shoes and eventually sat on the edge of his bed and put his head in his hands.

Tyler was afraid to speak. Scared he might awaken the beast of anger that lived inside of Reid. He'd been on the receiving end of it before and it was no fun. He waited silently for Reid to tell him what was wrong. He always did.

When Tyler saw movement in the corner of his eye almost ten minutes later, he expected a story about Aaron Abbot or how he got caught smoking on campus, was suspended from the swim team for his grades, the usual stuff. It was normal for Reid.

"I called you." Tyler almost mistook the words for wind, he spoke so softly. "I called you twenty-three times." He was quiet again as he stood to change. Tyler could see the masked grimace of pain as Reid took off his shirt. Guilt spread through him as it had been often lately. What was he doing? What was he thinking?

-

**Review! And Check out the homepage. Takes a Tragedy fans, answer the poll, por favor!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Mega 'thank you's to ****Reincarnated Poet**** for the help! So I think I at least somewhat know what I'm going to do with this story. I'm sorry for the crazy long wait but I didn't want to post another chapter until I had a clue what direction I was heading. This story has a good number of chapters left, maybe three or four more plus an epilogue and the possibility of a sequel that would be three to four chapters at the most. **

**I have two other stories in the works, characters created, partially written, that I am super excited about so you should keep an eye out.**

**Disclaimer: I love it, but I don't own it, and truthfully, don't really want to.**

**

* * *

**

"_So go on and tear it up_

_Black and cold with the dust_

_'Cause I believe in the Lord_

_But he don't show up anymore."_

— _"Dust", _Augustana

* * *

Chapter 6

"_Reid, stop." The voice was strong but unrecognizable, like a mix of all his brothers' together, all of them begging him, pleading with them. They were so far below him, so inferior to his strength. The Power surged through him at a level that before he could only dream about, he embraced it and felt the majestic beauty take complete control of his body, leaving no room for his mind to have a say. He watched each of his brothers slowly die by his own hands. The Power sent into them like electricity and destroyed their bodies from the inside out. First Caleb, then Pogue, and finally Tyler who looked at him with disappointment instead of fear. _

"_I tried to help you." His best friend told him weakly. "Everyone tried to save you. You are the only one who abandoned you." Tyler's voice whispered before his eyes fell back into his head as he died. _

_And then Reid, alone with his Power, was no match against himself as his DNA began to rip itself apart, the Power killing the body it inhabited because there was nothing else left to kill. And he fell, headed straight for the rocky bottom that would bring his death and it would all be over._

* * *

The blonde Son lurched awake, feeling sweaty and sick. He tried very hard to be quiet as he slowly, painfully got up from his bed and pulled on a jacket over his t-shirt and sweatpants. As he finished stuffing his feet into his ratty Chucks, his body screamed with the need to Use. He latched on to the back of his desk chair to keep from falling to the ground, biting his lip hard to keep from crying out.

The pain intensified and he felt dizzy and weak and for not the first time the Power took on the low, sultry voice of an irresistible woman. He wanted to give in so badly, he wanted to feel the strength of the Power pulsing through his veins, better than any high in the world. But no. He couldn't give up, give in. His Ascension too close, looming over him, threatening his life. And Caleb. When Caleb found him, knowing he had Used… He couldn't do it, not anymore. It had been nearly twenty-four hours sine he last tapped in to the consuming magic, it was his best record in a long time, he was slowly getting better, and of that he was proud.

He grabbed his pack of smokes and a lighter and headed outside, lighting up before he reached the double doors that lead out of the building. He sat on the steps of the dorm and pulled jacket a little closer. It was cold out, so close to Christmas. Alternating clouds of air and smoke left his mouth hurriedly as he tried to regain control of his mind, his body. He smoked until he could breathe easily again, as ironic as the thought was, and his head felt clearer, until her couldn't hear the Power calling him any longer.

By that time Tyler had found him and was sitting next to him on the steps, shivering without a jacket and looking relieved to have found his friend like this, opposed to the state he would sometimes find him in when the cigarettes didn't so their job and the Power took over.

"I'm sorry." Tyler's voice was sad and weak, like he was giving up in some nonexistent battle of forces.

"Where were you anyway?" He'd said it before thinking; he hadn't even known he cared about the boy's whereabouts. It was mindless questions to ease the tension, to fill the air with words. Silence ensued. He was glad he asked. Reid lit a new cigarette off his old one and raised a blonde eyebrow at his best friend. A nervous grin broke across Tyler's face.

"With a girl." He rolled his eyes at Reid's shocked expression. "Shut up, man. I really like her."

The blonde laughed, the feeling felt strange. "I'm glad, she go to Spenser?" Tyler nodded. "Who is she?"

"Uh," He rubbed a hand through his spiked hair. "Sarah." He said like he was admitting something bad. Reid remained unfazed.

"Sarah who?" He flicked the butt of his cancer stick onto the step next to him, stepping on it. Sometimes the boy was utterly clueless.

"Sarah, Caleb's Sarah." Tyler watched, waiting for Reid's opinion, he truthfully didn't know what to expect. But Reid simply mulled over it a few seconds before nodding and his famous Garwin smirk appeared.

"Can I have the Hummer when he murders you?" Laughter danced his eyes. As much as Tyler hated Reid sometimes he was glad he was acting like himself again. He had missed his annoying and somewhat infuriating best friend.

"God, Reid, shut up!" Tyler laughed with anxiousness.

"How'd you even get yourself in this mess? I mean, do have a class with her I don't know about?" Reid rubbed the back of his neck, the humor from before gone.

Tyler was taken back, Reid seemed worried about him. "We go to AA together on Tuesdays, that's how it started, I would just give her a ride, but we started talking and … you know things changed." He realized he was smiling. He was looking forward to that night, when it would again be his night and for a few hours she would be his and only his. His secret. His love.

* * *

It was Tuesday, Tyler was going to come pick her up, She was happier than she really wanted to let herself be. She had worn a pair of jeans that were a little tight with lots of holes and bleach spots that she and Lizzie had spent hours making in her driveway two years earlier. She wouldn't dare wear something from her party days around Caleb, but with Tyler… She had finally thrown the idea that she and the owner of the monstrous Hummer were, or ever had been, "just friends". She was blonde but in no way stupid enough to believe that you could feel the way she did about Tyler and still call it friendship. What they had was special and dangerous and wonderful, and, she realized with more guilt than she had ever felt in her life, love. True, real, head over heels, rip your brains out, run through the rain love that couldn't be denied no matter how hard she resisted.

The knock at the door came ten minutes early. Tyler was always exactly on time, so she thought this strange but opened the door with an easy smile anyway. Not Tyler. Not Tyler at all. Pogue. Pogue Parry was standing in the doorway of her room, a place he hadn't been since Kate left. He looked like crap, worse than she'd ever seen him at school. He was still in his uniform, all of it wrinkled, like he'd just fallen asleep somewhere on campus and wondered back to where Kate used to be. He looked so tired and his eyes were red. From crying? No, of course not. Pogue Parry did not cry. It was impossible.

This other Pogue scared her, what was happening with the world? Why was he here? He didn't say anything, he just stared at his feet, looking almost, dare she say it? Self-conscious? Scared? Nervous? She just watched him stand there for a long time, wanting to give him a hug and make everything better. She came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to say anything and took it upon herself to speak first.

"Pogue? Are you okay?" He didn't answer the question, just looked up and she almost felt her heartbreak under his tragic gaze. The memory of Tyler and Caleb mentioning something about drugs, pills, she thought, swam into her brain. Oh no, did he think she was here? Did he even know where he was?

"Sarah," His voice was soft and sad, so different, so broken. She felt like she might cry because of how much he'd changed. "Can I come in?" Even as gone from his mind as he seemed, his manners still held. She tried to smile at him as she stepped away from the door. He crossed the threshold and almost ran into her desk, he was off balance and she wondered what he'd been taking.

He sat down on what used to be Kate's bed, before it became Kathleen's, before everything stopped making sense in the world. When he sat he made her think of a crumpled piece of paper, maybe stepped on a few times, a little torn on the edges. All possible use gone, left to be nothing but something that sat there, wishing to be forgotten.

Sarah licked her lips, uncomfortable with the situation, Tyler would be there any minute and she didn't know what would happen then. "Um, Pogue?" He looked up at her with his tired-looking eyes. "What are you doing here?" She tired to make the question sound as nice as she could, but figured he only understood half of it anyway. He was silent for a beat before a smile split his dry, cracked lips.

"I have no idea." She'd been right, he was out of it. Way too high to be out of his house. She wondered how he'd gotten to the dorms. God knows he shouldn't be driving. Or walking for that matter.

"Okay." She moved closer and sat down next to him. He looked more than a little lost, the smile had faded and left his face looking just as depressed as before. "Do you want me to call someone for you? Caleb or Tyler or Reid?" She was confused on what to do. She checked the time, seven minutes until Tyler would be there.

"Could you call Kate?" The questions seemed so out of the blue, but when she looked at him it made sense, of course he wanted to talk to her.

She coughed nervously. "Sure." She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and scrolled through the names. They hadn't spoken since Kate left. That had been nearly a month ago, so much had changed since then. Her finger hovered above the 'send' button as she contemplated what to say to the girl that had been her best friend. With a deep breath, she press the button and held the phone to her ear, feeling Pogue's eyes watching her carefully. She checked the time again. Five minutes.

"Sarah?" Kate's voice was questioning.

"Hey Kate." She tried her hardest to not let her voice break. "Um, would you mind…talking to Pogue for a minute? Please, just one second?"

"Sarah, I'm not coming back to Spenser or getting back together with him. I don't want to talk to him." There was no way Kate could have understood the situation. She tried to convey the pleading in her voice to get the girl's attention.

"Kate, please?" Sarah didn't get a chance to continue convincing the other girl. Pogue started reaching for the phone. His big, somewhat clumsy hands hitting at her arms and face almost painfully.

"Let me talk to her." His voice was so weak and talking to Kate, she noticed how different it must sound to someone else. "Sarah, give me the phone. I want to talk to Kate." She couldn't call it a whine, even in this state, Pogue Parry didn't whine, but it was the next closest thing.

"Pogue, stop." She said as if she was scolding a puppy and stood up to keep him from reaching the phone and put it back to her ear. "Sorry," She told Kate. "He's just…" She let her words trail off, unable to figure out exactly what to call him. Heartbroken? Depressed? And empty shell of a person?

"Sarah," Kate sounded scared now and Sarah could relate. One glance at the clock. Out of time. "What's going on? Is he okay?"

She opened her mouth to answer but Pogue was unsteadily on his feet trying again to take the phone and yelling at her in a way that made him seem like a small child.

"Give me the phone!" He cried and Sarah could hear Kate in the background asking what was wrong, and then, God showed her that he really must hate her. A knock at the door and a voice right after.

"Sarah?" Not Tyler. Caleb.

He let himself in, immediately grabbing Pogue by the shoulders and sitting him down on the bed. He mumbled a lost statement about looking everywhere for Pogue and how he should have known he'd come here. Of course seconds later Tyler appeared in the open door with a confused look on his face and a bouquet of flowers in hand. Kate was still talking but Sarah forced words through her shocked lips and hung up on the girl.

The world had officially stopped spinning.

* * *

**Review and I'll be you're very best friend?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: The long awaited chapter! I'm just trying to get this one done, I don't really have much inspiration for it any more. Happy Easter! **

* * *

Chapter 7

It felt wrong to see him on a Wednesday, this wasn't their time, their way, but when she'd opened the door and he'd been there with the same flowers from the day before, now half wilted, and that smile that made her knees go weak… she couldn't resist him. Grabbing her coat, and his hand, she followed him to his truck. She tried to pull her hand from Tyler's as they walked across the parking lot, afraid someone would see them but the place was deserted, this close to exams it was insane to go out, everyone was studying. The brunette slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, it felt so natural to let him hold her, the feeling of wrong slowly slipping away.

The night before had been horrible, three-forth's of the Sons of Ipswich, two of which she was dating, or whatever it was she and Tyler were doing, had been in her room at the same time and she was still breathing. Caleb, too distracted by the state of his best friend, had barely noticed the younger Son who was supposed to be at his alcoholic class, but instead was in the doorway of his girlfriend's room. Sarah had frozen, heart pounding double time as Tyler and Caleb half-carried a newly silent Pogue from the room.

Tyler's hand on her knee brought her back to her place in his passenger seat as they got on the highway, meaning they were leaving Ipswich.

"Where are we going?" She tilted her head towards his in curiosity.

Tyler smiled somewhat wickedly, "I was thinking we deserved to have a little fun."

Sarah scrunched up her nose in confusion, "Fun?"

She knew it was going to be a bar before he turned in. It was a run down place that kind of resembled Nicky's, only rougher. She was used to this kind of place, they always served minors. Tyler probably knew it well; they were still only a few minutes out of Ipswich.

As they stepped in the door she caught hold of his arm. "Tyler, what are we doing?"

He didn't blink at the question. "We're going to relax and have some good, harmless fun."

"Ty, come on, you know this is a bad idea." She crossed her arms, hating that she had to be the responsible one.

"Aw, Sarah," He wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her close, she couldn't help but smile. His mouth was at her ear before she knew it. "I've never seen your wild side." The whisper was hot against her skin and tempting as hell.

"You mean my drunk side." She tried to pull away, but her attempts were meaningless.

"Come on, just one drink." He insisted. "For old times sake."

She looked at him sternly. "Just one."

-

Unfortunately, "just one" never really meant just one. One turned into two and two turned into shots and suddenly they were dancing to some old rock song that blasted through the bar. Sarah's head was spinning and she loved it. Why she had ever stopped drinking was beyond her. She wasn't sure when they stopped dancing or when he started kissing her, but she didn't mind so much. She didn't think, she let Tyler pull her closer, let his hands trail down her back to her hips. She let herself feel.

And it was absolutely amazing.

They were too far-gone to notice the average-looking friend of Kira Snyder, her cell phone open, recording the entire scene. They had been caught and they didn't even know it.

-

Reid's right leg bounced anxiously, hitting the duffle bag that rested next to him on the floor. Where was Tyler? He'd been waiting for him all morning, something about being friends with the guy his whole life wouldn't let him leave without saying goodbye. The door finally opened and Tyler slid in and fell onto his bed without giving his roommate a second glance. Anger erupted in inside him as he watched the younger boy rub his head in pain.

"Are you hung over?" Reid stood, his lean frame casting a shadow over Tyler's.

The brunette sighed grumpily, "Maybe."

"What were thinking?" Reid immediately cursed himself for sounding exactly like Caleb. He ran both hands over his hair, fingernail scratching at his skull, he needed to Use, bad. He could feel it pounding under his skin, every inch of him was in agony.

Tyler sat up on his elbows, aching head falling against one shoulder. "I was thinking that I wanted to get drunk last night. Why is that any of your business, Reid? It's not like you care."

Is that seriously what the kid thought? That he didn't care about him? Rage boiled in his veins as the Power sung. It was interwoven with anger, more so than with other emotions, it acted up at every hope of Use. He felt saturated in it and he hoped to be able to hold it back even as he screamed at Tyler.

"So all those nights I sat up at night with your drunk ass for twoyears, I didn't care? And I didn't care any of those times you got drunk and couldn't drive so I came got you? Or what about when my father died and my _best friend_ was too damn drunk to even come to the funeral with me? Did I care then, Tyler?"

The younger said nothing as he flinched away from Reid's volume, not his words. When the blonde was sure he wasn't going to get a response from Tyler, he grabbed the duffel and headed for the door. He had to get out of here, he had to get away before something, anything, everything, blew up in their faces.

"I'm leaving."

This barley got a reaction out of Tyler. Reid didn't take anything but the duffel, which held his clothes, with him as he left the dorm, which was empty do to the fact everyone was in class, it was the last day before exams, and then they had a month off for Christmas.

When he was just almost out of sight of Spenser, his phone rang, he didn't look at the screen to see who called, he pulled the small piece of technology from his pocket and threw it as far as he could. Fifteen minutes later he made it to the bus terminal, where he boarded a Greyhound heading away from Ipswich. He'd come back, he knew he would, but right then, his Ascension only a few weeks away, he needed to be gone.

_

It wasn't until lunch that the world ended, Sarah was trying to make it through her classes, even through she had a massive hang over and Tyler had optioned out. In fact all of the Sons of Ipswich were absent, something she found odd. She was just pulling her phone out to call Caleb when it went off and she received a video message. More accurately, the video message. It began to play and she suddenly felt sick as she watched herself and Tyler, drunk out of their minds, dancing at the bar from the night before. The music pumped loudly in the background and the footage was bad in quality but, there was no doubting who the two were as Tyler grabbed her and kissed in a way that definitely didn't say "just a drunken kiss". Not by a long shot.

-

It was just like a bad teenage movie, the whispers as she walked down the hallway, the glares of her classmates, the feeling of knowing that every one was talking about her.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she deserved to be punished for her actions, but she wasn't sure that the complete destruction of her life was the way to go. She had to talk to Caleb, she had to explain. _Explain what?_ Her brain asked, that you hadn't _meant_ to cheat on him with one of his best friends?

-

Tyler Simms hated his cell phone. It didn't understand the fact that he was trying to sleep that now was not the appropriate time to ring nonstop. It was the generic pre-set for an unknown number that was sending his phone into a frenzy. Oh God there it went again, singing its little heart out to a very tired, very hung over boy, who more than anything just wanted to sleep for the rest of his life.

Finally, with a curse, he flung off the comforter and crossed the floor to the place the devil of a piece on technology had landed when he'd flung it across the room in a vain attempt to quiet it. He didn't recognize the number that flashed on the screen, he swore if it was a wrong number he was going to freak.

"What do you want?" His voice was barley more than a tired mumble.

"Tyler," Caleb's voice met his ears with a ring of relief. "Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for an hour."

"Asleep," He fell back onto his messy bed, rubbing one hand against his head. "What's wrong?"

"It's Pogue. I stayed with him the other night after we took him home, but this morning..." Caleb let his voice trail off. "We're at the hospital now, they say he's gonna be fine, but I couldn't get you or Reid on your phones, and I've been using this damn pay phone because I lost my cell." Tyler heard a bang as Caleb hit the side of the side of the metal sectional. "God, Ty, can you come up here?" There was a weakness that Tyler had never heard before in his friend's voice, he was worried.

Tyler was already half dressed by the time Caleb asked, he'd known there was something going on the night before last, but he'd been too wrapped up in his own lie of a life to care about his friend who was so messed up he couldn't even walk.

"Gloucester?" He asked, it was the closest hospital to Ipswich.

"No, Boston. They transferred him a couple hours ago, something about drug treatment or something, I don't know."

There was movement on the other end as Caleb moved the phone away from his mouth, he was talking to someone else, arguing it sounded like, and then he was back.

"I have to go, this guy needs the phone. I'll call you if there are any changes."

Tyler sighed and hung up, grabbed his keys and left his dorm. Rehab, it seemed was the new trend for the Sons of Ipswich.

* * *

**Review please.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: It been forever and a half since I updated, I know, but if there are still any fans of this out there, drop me a review please!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 8

High heels made a distinct clapping sound against the white linoleum of the hospital floors. She repeated the numbers in her head, 3rd floor, second hallway, room number 3208. A different part of her mind remembered everything else. Smile, tell him the truth, say you were scared, you're sorry now. Don't cry unless you absolutely have to, be strong, but take him back, he's yours, always will be. Most importantly, remember to breathe. It was too much for Kate Tunney to keep in her head, her hands were beginning to shake and she hadn't even seen him yet.

Tyler Simms was standing at the nurse's station, arguing with the woman behind the counter. "I'm telling the truth, I'm his brother."

"Well none of his 'brothers' look very much alike." The nurse told him, looking at him over her reading glasses. Kate pressed her lips together to muffle the giggle wanting to break through and battle herself on weather to help him or not. Angel on the left shoulder, devil on the right.

Tyler rolled him eyes. "We're adopted, alright, just let me in." He pounded his fists on the counter, it'd been a long while since Kate had seen Baby boy loose his temper.

"Young man, if you don't leave, I will call security." The nurse snipped. Angel Kate won and she stepped forward until she was next to the youngest of the "Sons".

"He's with me." Kate told the nurse, holding up her access pass. "How're you Melinda?" She asked the nurse with a smile.

Looking put off but forcibly more pleasant, Melinda carved her wrinkled old lips into something that probably was meant to be smile. "Very well, off you both go." She shooed them with her hand. Kate grabbed hold of Tyler's arm and pulled him down the hall since he seemed a little slow on the uptake.

"How'd you get that?" Tyler asked her as they continued down the hall, pointing to the badge around her neck.

"My mom's family pumps big bucks into this place." She informed him. He looked…. Rumpled at best, it reminded her of a the year before, when he'd been drinking. A lot "Are you hung over?"

He pressed the heels of his hands in his eyes, sighing. "Slightly… Caleb's gonna kill me." Kate could think of someone else that would kill him if he knew, the year before Pogue had racked up quite a few missed dates while taking care of the teenage alcoholic.

"What are you hiding from the public?" Tyler asked her two steps later, his white teeth peaking out of one side of his mouth. It was a well known fact that this hospital, while the rehabilitation program was strong, you really paid for them to keep quiet.

Kate tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder and rolled her shoulders, once they turned this corner, they would be in his hall. "It's a who." She answered.

"Who, then?" The smirk did not disappear. On Reid it always look arrogant and strangely carefree, it made Tyler's face look lopsided.

"My brother." She said it like she didn't care, but God knows she did.

"I didn't know you had one of those." They were coming to the corner now, Kate spun sharply and kept walking, not breaking pace. She could see Caleb waiting for them, just outside earshot.

"I didn't know you wear drinking again." She told him before speeding up and approaching the eldest of the Covenant. "Caleb," She had never seen him look so scared.

"Hey, Kate." He greeted her, pulling her into a hug. "Thanks for coming." She could feel his hands shaking. Pogue was his best friend, must remember that.

"Of course, it's Pogue, I wouldn't be able to not come up here." She smiled, acted breezy. She was swinging by, of course she didn't have a sick feeling in her stomach at the thought of seeing him again. Of course didn't still feel betrayed by the one man she truly loved. She wished she could successfully lie to herself.

* * *

When she showed up at his door, he thought it was over, that this was her coming to say goodbye. Tyler knew Sarah was spending Christmas in Boston with her family, he knew that everyone in the school had seen the video and he knew what that would mean when Caleb saw it. But the eldest Son had lost his phone, he hadn't been at school, hadn't seen the video, they were still safe, but for how long?

It very soon became evident that she didn't care how long they had, as long as they had time at all. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the mouth. He pulled her into his dorm room and locked the door with a dramatic flick of his wrist. She giggle but then began kissing his again, and it was hard to do much thinking after that.

"Did you know Kate's back?" He asked her later, as she slipped her clothes on and he unsuccessfully tried to call Reid.

"Yep," Sarah said as she pulled her jeans over her pink lace panties. Tyler smiled, all those years of losing panty bets to Pogue and Reid were now worth it, he'd found his pink lace. "She's asleep on my bed, I told her I was going to the library to study. She, luckily, hasn't seen the video either." Her bra didn't match her underwear, it was black and free on any lace, but she still looked gorgeous as she walked around the room in search of her shirt.

As she pulled it over her head, she turned to him, still laying on his bed, naked but covered by the sheets. It took a great deal of self control to not just climb back into those arms and stay forever. He was just so damn attractive. And sweet. And smart. And funny. And don't even get her started on his eyes. Sarah shook her head, she wasn't allowed to be thinking about him like that. This was a fling, nothing more.

"I'll be in Boston for the holiday," She said, sitting in the edge of Reid's bed to put on her shoes. "But you can come see me when you visit Pogue if you want." Her tone was suggestive and he got the message loud and clear. They were far from over.

* * *

Maine was cold and icy, but the cloud-covered skies didn't drop rain like Ipswich would, so it was different. Reid had stayed on the northbound Greyhound as far as they would take him and then he walked until he found a motel that was both cheap and clean enough. It was on the second day he found the lighthouse. Maine was full of them and some where major attractions, while this old, rundown one was not. It was a lot like the cliffs in Ipswich, water crashing against pointed rocks hundred of feet below, but it was a little prettier here and just different enough to provide for a change of scenery.

The pull to Use was less, but he wasn't exactly staying in the mental place to be able to feel it. Parties were easy to find and beer and pills were a plenty. He rarely remembered to eat and was smoking about two packs of cigarettes a day, up from his usual one.

He wasn't sure what day it was anymore, but the owner of the motel had yet to come barging on his door for more money after Reid had handed him a big stack of money to answer the question of how long he would be staying.

Maybe he'd go back when he ran out of money, or maybe when all the clothes he'd shoved hastily into his duffle covered the floor of his room and all that was left in the bag was the bus ticket back to Ipswich. He hadn't quite decided yet and he like it that way. He liked that he could get up any time and go back, he liked that he didn't have to think about it at all. Whatever problems everyone at home had going on, they didn't concern him, and now he didn't have to watch them all fall apart while trying to pick up the pieces.

He dropped his cigarette off the side of the cliff and lit a new one, his stomach growled and he grunted at the pink and orange sunlight that was inching its way over the horizon. It was daybreak and he hadn't slept the night before. The alcohol he'd consumed over the night was still with him, making him stumble a bit when he stood. He'd only taken about four steps when it hit him, like a punch in the stomach, the need to Use. It was so strong, for a moment, he thought he may throw up, but then that could have been the alcohol again. He fell to his knees, holding his middle, where the Power was originating.

_Oh God, _He thought as another wave of pain hit him. _It's gonna kill me._ His muscles convulsed, shaking and falling limp, the pain grew again and he couldn't stand it any longer, not when he knew how to fix it. Reid, who had not been watching the days, hadn't Used in nearly three weeks, so when he finally, painlessly let his eyes flash black, he couldn't stop the pent up magic that had been begging his addicted body for weeks.

* * *

The Christmas break passed with strange highs and lows, like it was a movie Tyler was watching and it was randomly being fast-forwarded, and played, and slowed down to crawling speeds. He hadn't drank, okay so maybe that was the lie he told Caleb, but it wasn't as bad as it used to be. Just a few beers here and there and sometimes, when the days moved exceptionally slow, a shot of whiskey, just one, or maybe two. Okay so maybe that's just what he told himself. Maybe things were as bad as before, maybe they were even worse.

Every morning when he woke up, head pounding and light bursting through his windows with the strength of Chuck Norris kicking down a door, he checked his phone for missed calls, always none, and then tried to call Reid, straight t voicemail every time. He would then get up and take a shower, dispose of the past nights alcohol evidence and eat an awkward, silent breakfast without meeting his parents' eyes. His father had more grey in his hair than it used to and his mother's eyes were always rimmed in red, like she'd been crying. Tyler knew his own were red, but for a different reason entirely.

Pogue's stay in rehab was short and sweet, Kate it seemed was more the drug than the pills ever were, and while that didn't seem healthy, no one seemed to have the courage to say it out loud. Tyler yelled across the parking lot to where Caleb, Pogue, and Kate were getting into Caleb's Mustang, he told them he'd see them later, had some last minute Christmas shopping to do. They nodded and drove off, but the words sounded just as fake as they were to Tyler. He got in the Hummer and, following the directions she'd sent him, drove to Sarah's. She greeted him with a hug and a smile. She took his hand and led him upstairs, turning to whisper over her shoulder.

"No one's here but us."

* * *


End file.
